Pandering Karen

Mike Knox
3 min readApr 7, 2024

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Dear Neighbors,

Maybe this letter will shed some light on the unpleasant incident that took place the other day. Not long ago, we were looking to start a business in which we could stay at home and have a more traditional family life.

What we came up with was South Bay Sensual Massage or SBSM. We called it a relaxing sensual massage therapy clinic. The police called it something dirty. They accused us of running a “call girl” ring from our modest colonial home in Rancho Palos Verdes.

They claimed that I oversaw fellow soccer moms moonlighting as prostitutes! That dirty word isn’t even a part of my vocabulary.

The police said that we had used advertising on the Web that violated a state law against posting salacious photos on the Internet. I can barely assimilate this tragic image with the boring reality of our normal lives. We are both just normal people trying to make a living like everyone else.

On Friday we pleaded not guilty (of course) to charges of pimping, pandering, and drug possession. This isn’t what we envisioned when we first came out here as young naïve kids from Florida. We had both flirted with careers in the film industry but ended up as customer service representatives at the Chatsworth Costco.

Our first adventure was a store that sold clothing for plus size animals. We designed and made the clothing ourselves. For some reason, it failed and we were saddled with debt. We both had a lot of experience in relationships and realized that there was a market for dating services. Jerry loaded the site with sex-tinged tag lines to ensure that internet surfers would be hooked into phrases that led to our company.

We turned away anyone looking to pay for sex because that is just against our morals and values. The police said that we ran a sophisticated operation and that our business was extremely lucrative. I beg to differ because if we were doing so well, why would I be driving a two-year-old BMW?

Supposedly, there are several women cooperating with police who claim to have made over twenty thousand dollars a month. I don’t see how anyone in the police department can believe anything a known prostitute has to say.

If she sells her vagina for money, what will stop her from selling her lies?

I can take it, but Jerry is very fragile and sometimes cannot handle the stress. At most, we had seven licensed massage therapists who were all married, except for one girl, named Raven.

This was hardly a gold mine and at times we borrowed money from my parents. This is why Jerry sold narcotics from our home because we were having trouble making ends meet.

Jerry has acknowledged that the cocaine and Ecstasy was his because he is a “recreational drug user.” He has never been addicted. He tried his hardest to shield me and the children from his bad behavior and would even close the bathroom door so that we would not be subjected to his horrible demons. Jerry has decided to join Narcotics Anonymous and is seeking advice from a therapist.

People have been pointing the finger at us and painting a picture that we are bad people. It has been very difficult for us since the police invaded our safe space.

I just wanted you all to know that we do strive to be better people who give back to the community. That is why we have set up a Gofundme account and are seeking help for Jerry’s road to recovery. Please donate with your hearts.

Sincerely,

Karen

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Mike Knox
Mike Knox

Written by Mike Knox

Comedian. Author of Vivien’s Rain and Straight Fish. VNS Therapy Advocate. Mikeknox.com

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